Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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