His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
