chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
