you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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