i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
