every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
