You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
