You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
