So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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