He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
