she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
