I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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