I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
