It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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