i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
