I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize