I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
