He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
