I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
