alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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