Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
