Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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