Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
