It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
