That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize