How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
