She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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