Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
