hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
