Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize