he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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