In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize