Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
two words: eviction party
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
