The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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