Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
