Porn is love you can see.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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