she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just found puke in my bra..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
