i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
