I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
