I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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