After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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