On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
