i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
