A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
