I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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