Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
