Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize