Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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