I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Randomize
