bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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