the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
