just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
