i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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