Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
