how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
