Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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