I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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