Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
