ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
