I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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