The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
