I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
