Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
