North Korea, Best Korea!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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