Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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