So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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