Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
don't judge my taste in strippers
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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