my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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