there was a trapeze. enough said
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
