shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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