my mouth tastes like poor choices
never play flip cup with pint glasses
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
