I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
