I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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