Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
