This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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