You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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