ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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