Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
