her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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