420 ftw
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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