I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
