did you get engaged???
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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