i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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