I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
