found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
only if we run a train.
done.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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