According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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